I met my father-in-law first time in March 13 1995. I was in Dhaka for about 15 days to get married with my lovely wife. Within that brief stay in Dhaka, I probably saw him less than ten times. He cooked one delicious meal just for me on the night I got married. My stomach is awfully sensitive to rich “Mogul Food” that is a customary menu for the weddings. So, my wedding dinner was home made meal – an unforgettable taste of master chef. I came back to the US at the end of March and kept our communication via telephone and snail mails. Nevertheless, we built a strong mental and emotional connection that was truly heavenly – it is rare, I know it for sure.
I never got the opportunity to go back – even when he was in his deathbed. I had a legal matter to attend! In March 15 2005, ten years after I had met him in person – I came to know that he has Liver cirrhosis. A twisted shock undid our serenity and derailed us completely. Somehow I had to prepare my wife and eighteen months old daughter to go back to see him, to be with him. While my family was preparing to leave for Dhaka, I started to pen a letter to him. He adored my letters.
At the end, I kept the letter to myself. Deep in my heart, I was scared – fear of the inevitable and confusion about the unknown paralyzed my consciousness. I read it several times while he was alive and struggled alone in a hospital far away from me. Then one day suddenly he had to throw the white towel – surely not by his own choice. An immense pain rattled our hearts and there was no comfort in sight from anywhere. Truly, we did not want any comfort – we just wanted to be with him, to lessen his pain somehow!
Now I hope to go to Dhaka someday, see his house at least from outside (I heard it’s up for sale), visit the cemetery, breathe the same air. I guess we did not need to see each other in person –some things are not meant to be. He and I knew it – we were so connected with our soul.
Copy of the letter:
Baba, I hope you would find some time to read my observation of this world.
One day Holbrook – a TV artist who looks just like Mark Twain and imitates his monologues on stages – sails out in a 40 feet boat all by himself. He traveled 2400 (twenty four hundred) miles across the pacific ocean- alone. In an interview, he was asked: What do you think about when you’re out there on a long trip like that and you’re alone? What do you think about night in and night out, day in and day out?
Holbrook: You think about getting somewhere. Getting…. hoping you get to where you are going. You think about that a lot. You question is the boat okay? Is everything working right? Could there be a leak somewhere I do not know about? You double check, you triple check. Basically, you are out there in the embrace, and not tender either, of this great world. You will find a huge but not empty great silence force all around you. Even though you are in that embrace, you still have to survive in it. You have to know how to keep yourself from going down. And you cannot fight it. You have to learn not to fight nature. You have to learn to give to nature just enough to stay alive and stay upright.
Now hold that thought of being lonely! Religious books tricked us by giving an impression that we have choices to make. I believe we don’t. Think of a twin sister scenario. One was born being pretty and the other being not so pretty. It happens more often than you expect. But if you think about the moment of conception in their mother’s womb, you would realize that a lot of misery was actually encoded in the not so pretty girl’s “Karma” without her consent. Later in her life, she would struggle to prove to the rest of the world that she is not any less of a person than her pretty sibling. You know she did not choose to be the way nature made her. Another example: “You can not will unless Allah wills.” That means HE has a strapping string and HE is and will play with it the way HE likes. There is absolutely nothing we can do about it!
We are indeed lonely most of the time in our life span and we really do not have many independent choices to make. There is a dangling carrot in front of us and we pretend to drive our destiny. If you think about it – no one with a bit of right senses would end up in a situation where he or she would have to regret for anything in a life. All of our intentions are always to do the right thing at the right time for the right person. Yet, we do regret for many things in our life because that carrot was a mirage and a lot of “Karma” was handed to us without our consent. If you embrace this truth then rest would be the details of HIS game that you tag along without much ado. Also, you have learnt not to fight the nature – you are giving just enough to stay alive and stay upright.