Note:
Hitorigoto: In Japanese, literally means “talking to oneself.” The concept of self-talk in Japanese is seen as a valuable tool for personal development and language learning.
Solandis means “delicate flower” and is considered an Old English name. It is a feminine name that is considered whimsical and unique.
This post is a conversation with the imaginative “I.”
We have reached dusk, and it is getting darker with each blink. Can we try to untangle the skein of your existence in our shared life? The sun, moon, wind, and seasons danced in synchrony as if only to have shaped an enigma, you—so they say. Is this the truth?
How do others perceive you? Do you build relationships with others like us? What symphonies do you orchestrate, and what choreography guides you when your bond blooms with others? Is our union a treasure we possess alone? Do we not dream about the uniqueness of our bond as a rare solandis and a marvel to celebrate? Are my inquiries a transgression?
Those close to me have very few details about you. It is impossible to articulate about you to the world. Language has limitations. Perspectives are always individualistic, and humans unknowingly sidestep from what is difficult to witness, comprehend, or ponder and tend to promote realists. However, primary urgency forces them to move quickly and rush away from the present as if the future is guaranteed. It never is; it never was.
Amid this chaos, we lived together for so long, perhaps since our first spoken words. Yet, my mind falters between fear and joy about our oneness. The fear that you will leave, as you always have, for long spells. Waiting during your absences seems futile. Prayers are the only consolation during the drought of your absence. If we were to lose touch for a lengthy period, how certain can we be of rekindling our affinity? Hope cradles a belief that you will not abandon our often fragile bond. Still, the uncertainty of our future lounges like a stale smoke, sparking anticipation and a deep curiosity about what awaits.
Have you noticed our conversation shifts in rhythm and tone when you depart and return? Your shape, complexion, and smile change. Your voice takes on a new cadence, and your stride alters. Yet, we quickly settle into a familiar ease only you can bring. Our interactions, sometimes wordless, are free from the fear of misunderstanding. For our trip to the future, we share the same vision in a different light, with a unique language of our own making. Like a warm blanket, this familiarity brings a profound sense of security and peace, a glimpse of a harmonious realm, a heaven perhaps where differences coexist peacefully without agony. And we repeatedly fall into reassurance in our bond.
Everyone and everything mopped away in the past over time, ever so slightly but continuously, of this living world. The rule of law for the habitats of the fast-spinning earth is that seasons control nourishment, time dictates fragility, and transgressions are prohibited. Humans made a vow to break the decrees to become cold and coarse. But in our shared space and moments, however little of it, the laws of physics and mathematics pause—so it seems to give us a furlough. Nothing seems impossible, even if it is a brief halt; the universe appears in our palm.
Would you remain a companion, knowing you were an abettor of our ill attempts to conceal ideas, traits, fantasies, and emotions that didn’t exist yet we cherished? Do you recall how we resorted to charades to avoid meeting the world as if the outside is nothing but malicious? We never showed the virtue of kindness a chance or considered it significant, did we? And if the world discovers precisely who you are, the narratives of our conversations, and how we were together, what would change between us and this world? And before the final goodbye—an inescapable in the forsaken solitude—could we be at peace for our sojourn?